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for the third time

ugh again i cried in his face. I tried so hard not too cuz it shows how fuckin weak i am.
i hate this fucken feeling its giving me too much problems and pains.I thought that this week would
be a great week a week that i could easily forgot my problems.But that was bullshit i mean they will always follow you
no matter if u hide far or near. this is a fucken messed up world that everyone needs to clean there shit up.
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too much

Sadly right now i need to cry my eyes out without anyone knowing it. I hate how i cry in front of people it makes me sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just want to be strong and not weak. i wish i really never had emotions cuz then i would not feel any
of this shit that's going on in my life. why me? why me? what did i do to deserve this? why am i suffering? this are fucking questions
that i want them answered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't deal with stuff anymore. i just want to disappear from existence
i want to go away from everyone's life and make them happy with me gone. No one will miss  me no one will even care!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and yes i posted this into a community xbroken_deepx but this is how i reallly feel today like shit and wanting to die.

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well ima make a story as of now and see what comes out. ima throw any thing write now
so you can comment but dont critize it so much okay. well as you guys know i have a problem
which involves depression and that's not good but hey I'm away from home as of now
and it really open my eyes up. Why have happiness if the pain and suffering will be there! right?
well that's my answer and now I'm pushing all that away so that I'm not in pain anymore. but anyways here it goes......

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well this is not mine but i wanted to write it down cuz that is how im feeling and i love this cuz its so true so again this is not mine.

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?

Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or

Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.

If you do, they might break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.

Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.

You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own........when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we

don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.


Still not in a happy mood just posted up an entry in the community i started XBroken_DeepX. But I'm going to post a entry here too
because I feel a lot of emotions just seeping put slowly. Also i feel mush better after I write what i feel......... well a little. And beside the fact I'm going to be alone today at home with nothing to do. But alas i do no know and that it to pour my soul into this poem.

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I cant stand to see the one person in my life, that i know is the right one ignore me. It's like a punishment for me. I don't know whats happening to me and it's scaring me a lot. I wish i was stronger  someone to be looked up and not to be looked down. I hate this shaky feeling of sadness that washes over me and my body. i feel like my body is going numb and my mind going blank.

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Finally i get a chance to share my thoughts once again. this time it is not a poem but a random story. These random story i wrotw are based on how i feel at that moment. Some of them will be dark but some will light or lovey dovey. Today's story is dark see if you can guess a how i feel but if you want an answer just msg me and i will answer it.

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it's been a while

Wow it been like maybe for two weeks straight or more than that I finally thought I was freed from my sadnees that still seepes into my heart.

i thought that it was finally healing from all the tourmanting and loss that it has been going through.

I mena today was an okay day nothing happen really bought a few stuff to give out. but other than that it was an okay.

But it was slighty different........ I felt that today my heart was being heavy and as of right now I finally cracked.


It's so good when someone gets rid of a class for the afternoon and now has compete time and rest whenever they want to.

But that all depends on how good the day is and it went well time the afternoon.
Again the memories just do not want to stop flowing through my head.
Thats how my day completely downhill. I will do two entries one for a music and this one to express myself.

I know the person will never read this since they do not know I'm talking about them.
Here it goes.....

In the ArmsCollapse )

Don't know what to do?

Well i'm finally out of class sadly for the day.
Tired as usual damn hopefully i won't get sleepdeprived

Now there is a new question that arose in my mind that maks me ponder.

Is it because of the changes i'm going through. I mean a freshamn in college thinking I knew what to do
but I realize that that's not what I wanted.

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